CHICAGO — I guess I didn’t expect a coup to end with a balloon drop.
Vice President Kamala Harris accepted her party’s presidential nomination on the final night of the Democratic National Convention, and things were not just peaceful but downright ebullient.
I’m confused. The GOP’s always-honest presidential nominee Donald Trump has repeatedly said that Harris replacing President Joe Biden at the top of the Democratic ticket was a coup, an attempt at a “vicious, violent overthrow.”
Trump recently said of Biden that Rep. Nancy Pelosi and other Democrats had “threatened him violently” to step aside.
Kamala Harris’ DNC was the worst coup I’ve ever seen
So, not to sound rude, but I was kind of expecting the DNC to end with a bit more … you know … violence. Maybe a public beheading or two. You know ‒ coup stuff.
Instead, we got a balloon drop. I guess the balloons fell a little violently, but I saw no evidence of injuries, and Biden wasn’t publicly pummeled with confetti or anything.
For coup enthusiasts like myself, it was all a hugely disappointing finale and a real overpromise from Trump.
Just recently, at a rally in Pennsylvania, Trump said of Harris’ ascension: “This was an overthrow of a president. This was an overthrow. They deposed a president. It was a coup of a president. This was a coup.”
The Harris-Walz DNC did not start off very coup-ish
I grew a little suspicious of that claim when the DNC began with President Joe Biden speaking enthusiastically about Harris, asking people to vote for her and saying: “I love the job, but I love my country more.”
I assumed the coup organizer forced him to come out and say that stuff, maybe on threat of destroying his beloved Corvette. But it still raised red flags.
Perhaps the coup Trump promised looks different in the social media age
As the week went on, with decidedly non-coup-like levels of joy and optimism, I thought perhaps Democrats were just trying to redefine what a coup looks like. Kind of bringing the whole idea of a “sudden, violent and unlawful seizure of power from a government” into the modern age.
Maybe, I thought, coups in the Instagram age are supposed to include performances by John Legend and Stevie Wonder, and speeches from virtually every member of the political party being violently overthrown.
(I said I’m a coup enthusiast, not a coup expert.)
The final night of the DNC had no guillotine ‒ BORING!
With fingers crossed, I entered the United Center on Thursday assuming that, at the very least, there would be a coup-sealing guillotine on the stage, ready to do some serious opposition-noggin lopping.
But no. Same old stupid high-tech stage with a podium and a circle of lit up stars. Zero sign of a firing-squad wall or a stake on which to burn the oppressors.
Country singers The Chicks came out and sang the national anthem. Could that be a secret signal for the start of a coup?
Nope.
Republican Adam Kinzinger, a former congressman, took the stage and voiced support for Harris. And everybody cheered.
And all I could think was: “Is it possible Donald Trump completely made up the whole thing about a Democratic coup? I’ve never known the man to lie, except for always.”
Finally, Harris took the stage with the crowd whipped into what I hoped was a bloodthirsty frenzy. Surely she was about to drag a caged Biden out for the final humiliation.
Nah. She just said a bunch of inspirational stuff like: “To our president, Joe Biden, when I think about the path we have traveled together, Joe, I am filled with gratitude,” and “I promise to be a president for all Americans” and received ecstatic ovations from the Democratic audience that filled every available inch of the arena.
Thanks for getting my hopes up for nothing, Donald Trump. Worst. Coup. Ever.
